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So let’s say that you have followed these devotions diligently each day and have recognized ways in which shame impacts your life.  You also recognize how contrary shame is to the truth of God’s grace.  So what now?  How do you get rid of shame?

Well, you have already taken the first step – recognizing your shame and facing it.  It’s also important to look at the sources of such shame.  Did you experience childhood trauma or the lacking of a critical relationship such as a parent in your upbringing?  Have you fallen into an addiction which you know is inconsistent with your faith?  Have you experienced abuse as an adult in which you were demeaned and insulted consistently?  Or have you undergone a long period of job loss, asking yourself “what’s wrong with me?” 

Again, shame is not the same thing as guilt.  Guilt deals with behaviors or actions we do, or fail to do, from which we can repent and seek a new direction.  Shame runs far deeper, moving from “I did something bad” to “I am bad.”  So the first step in dealing with shame is doing the hard emotional work of looking at its source, grieving what happened or what you missed, and accepting that that there is no re-set button for the past. 

Left untended, shame thrives in secrecy, silence and judgement.  It grows in the hidden recesses of our hearts and minds, dragging us down and leading to addiction, depression, and anxiety.  It keeps us from living the abundant life God’s promised. 

But through facing our shame, rather than numbing it, we can receive freedom.  Bringing it into the light with the help of your spouse, pastor, counselor or trusted friend takes its power away. 

Reflect

• What events of your life have contributed to your sense of shame?
• What emotional work do you need to do in order to get past those events and relationships?
• How does the devil use places and times of shame to limit your personal ministry?
• How could God use your experiences of life (both good and bad) to shape you into an effective disciple of God’s love?

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Jeremiah 31:33-34

But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  No longer shall they teach one another, or say to each other, “Know the Lord,” for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the Lord; for I will forgive their iniquity, and remember their sin no more.

Pray

Let us pray:

Lord God, no matter what has happened in my life, you have always been there; loving me, strengthening me, carrying me.  Heal my heart from the pains of the past, fill my hurting places with your love, open my eyes to see myself as your beloved child.  We pray in the name of the one who breaks the chains of bondage, Jesus Christ our Lord,

Amen.

Please contact the church office if you’d like to receive the daily devotions through email.

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Dr. Brené Brown points out that shame is “organized by gender”.

For women, the best example I can give you is Enjoli, the commercial. “I can put the wash on the line, pack the lunches, hand out the kisses and be at work at five to nine. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you’re a man.” For women, shame is, do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat. (I don’t know how much perfume that commercial sold, but I guarantee you, it moved a lot of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds.)  Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. And it’s a straight-jacket.

For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one thing: “Do not be perceived as what?  Weak.”

As one man said:

When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us.  And don’t tell me it’s from the guys and the coaches and the dads.  Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else.

Reflect

• As part of an empathetic, supportive community, how can we be people of support rather than judgement for the men and women in our midst?
• How can we address this web of conflicting expectations that weigh upon women? 
• How can we support men in their vulnerability?
• How can the ministries of COL speak to the impact of shame on our members; men, women and children?

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Genesis 3:7-10

After eating from the tree of knowledge,

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

Pray

Lord God, you see all and know all.  Thank you for loving us, for seeking us out, even when we try to hide in shame.  We pray in the name of the one who promised living water to the woman at the well, Jesus Christ our Lord,

Amen.

Please contact the church office if you’d like to receive the daily devotions through email.

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The mission of Cross of Life is built on three pillars, three ways in which we seek to join hands, touch hearts and change lives.  Each speaks to the topic of shame.  We seek to be a place of:

• • Inspiring Worship

When we gather, our hearts are moved beyond our own needs and desires and turned to focus on God instead.  Each week we receive Holy Communion we hear “the body of Christ, given for you.”  If you were the only person on earth, Jesus still would have died for you.  That is how deeply you are loved by God.  Shame has no place in such a relationship of love.

• • Authentic Community

We intentionally seek to be a safe place where vulnerability is embraced.  You do not need to have all the answers to be here, you do not need to maintain a façade of perfection, you do not even need to be 100% sure about your faith.  Dr. Brown emphasizes that empathy is the antidote to shame.  Cross of Life is a place where you can receive an empathetic, listening ear (and be such an ear to others.)  From the pastors to the babies in the nursery, we are all on this journey together and authenticity is important to us.

• • Meaningful Service

In many ways, our need to fast from shame is a first-world problem.  For many around the globe, survival and economic sufficiency are about all they can handle.  Serving those in need draws us out of ourselves, fills our lives with a sense of purpose and brings the joy of giving.  According to God’s grand design, as we invest in the well-being of others, our well-being grows too!

Reflect

How are you participating in these three pillars of ministry?  How does each pillar speak to the burden of shame you carry?  How do they shape your life?  Where could your participation in these three pillars grow?

Study

Philemon 1:4-7

When I remember you in my prayers, I always thank my God, because I hear of your love for all the saints and your faith toward the Lord Jesus.  I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective when you perceive all the good that we may do for Christ.  I have indeed received much joy and encouragement from your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.”

Pray

Let us pray,

Lord God, you called your church the Body of Christ, with each member bearing gifts for the upbuilding of the whole body.  Help each of us to consider our part in this body we call Cross of Life.  Through inspiring worship, authentic community and meaningful service, drive out the shame of our lives – that we may serve and please you through daily living.  We pray in the name of the one who sacrifice himself for us, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Please contact the church office if you’d like to receive the daily devotions through email.