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During the week of March 10, Facebook experienced an outage for up to 17 hours.  One radio commentator described her sense of panic when she couldn’t log in to Facebook, saying that she had just “staged a great picture” and posted about herself.  “I was really looking forward to all of those ‘likes’ and now it’s just out there and not getting any attention.” 

Perfectionism has taken a new twist with the advent of social media which gives a person a platform to project an over-idealized version of themselves to all of their friends (and I use that term ‘friends’ lightly) . People used to sweep dirt under the rug when company was coming.  Well, these days, you just have to keep the debris of your life out of the “staged” picture and you can make your life appear any way you wish. 

This leads to a vicious cycle.  People, like our commentator above, stage a beautiful picture of their lives and then feed off all the attention they receive, “looking forward to all of those ‘likes’.”  This can be both addictive and isolating because they know that reality is a whole lot messier that the picture they are putting “out there.” This reinforces the idea that their real selves are not good enough. 

Meanwhile, the “audience” also recognizes that their own reality is a whole lot messier than what  they see on Facebook.  And while they may know intellectually that others are only showing the glamor shots of life, the comparison game leads them to determine that they are flawed, thinking “Well, if so-and-so can pull off her lifestyle, there must be something wrong with me.”   

For perfectionists, this is fuel for an already dangerous fire.  Fearing that your life does not measure up to the lives of others, your expectations get more and more unrealistic, leading to increased frustration, shame and frenzied attempts at getting everything “right.” 

C.S. Lewis says:  “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” 

One of greatest antidotes for perfectionism is service to others.  When we step outside our self-obsessed list of wants and needs, and invest in the well-being of others, we are opening up our hearts for God’s grace to enter in, to soothe our frightened places and lighten our sense of burden. 

Study

I Peter 5:6-7 

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. 

Pray

Let us pray, 

Lord God, you do care for us in so many ways.  Empower us to stop thinking solely of ourselves, to focus instead on your call in our lives to be people of grace: grace to ourselves, grace toward others and grace toward our hurting world.  We pray in the name of the one who humbled himself on the cross, Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

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Describing herself as a reformed perfectionist, Charly Haversat advocates for “the pursuit of good enough” in her TED Talk.  After defining the Nirvana fallacy and Voltaire’s counterstatement that “perfect is the enemy of the good,” she says: 

We could argue “if we all know that perfection is an illusion, then why bother to discuss this at all?”  I argue that we think the opposite.  We think that perfect is not only possible but probable.  And that by fixating on that perfect end–state, we’ve lost our ability to negotiate incremental gains. 

After giving examples of superficial ways we pursue perfection, she addresses more critical ways it impacts our world. 

[The Nirvana fallacy] is creating cultures where we are afraid to fail… Public policy requires compromise and compromise requires of letting go of perfect… Our political system is becoming increasingly held hostage to small groups who are intent on implementing their version of ideological perfection.  This is the Nivana fallacy at its most dangerous and it’s most extreme.  Because these groups are so intent on winning that they have a reckless disregard for the impact of their actions… 

After describing costly examples of lack of compromise, she asks: 

So where do we go from here… We can make a huge step forward by giving our kids a break.  The pressures that our children feel from sports pale in comparison to the social and academic pressures they face as they grow up in a globally complex world.  If we give our children permission to pursue good enough, we will grow adults who as the future CEOs and political leaders are willing to compromise. 

Reflect

In what way do you see “perfect as the enemy of the good”?   

How many political discussions have been abandoned (or never started), because defending one’s position took precedence over seeking workable solutions? 

Do you think our world would change if we pursued “good enough” rather than perfection?   

In what areas of your own life is compromise required for the greater good? 

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I Corinthians 8:13 

In spite of his belief that food offered to idols is just food, Paul states that he will refrain from eating it for the sake of the greater good, saying: 

Therefore, if food is a cause of their falling, I will never eat meat, so that I may not cause one of them to fall. 

Pray

Let us pray: 

Lord God, you call us to do what is right, to hold fast to our beliefs.  But we also recognize there are times when compromise is needed for the greater good.  Grant us your wisdom in all things, open our eyes to see the value of those with whom we disagree, soften our hearts so that we may hear your calling.  We pray in the name of the one who opened the eyes of the blind, Jesus Christ our Lord. 

Amen.

Please contact the church office if you’d like to receive the daily devotions through email.

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In addition to a lot of helpful information about perfectionism from the psychological and sociological perspective, ultimately, perfectionism is a spiritual issue.  When we think we have to be perfect, we are not fully trusting in God’s grace.   

Today you get to hear two sermons (assuming you came to church this morning!).  This clip is from Pastor Colin Smith, senior pastor of The Orchard Evangelical Free Church.  He addresses the burden of perfectionism as a spiritual issue. 

Here’s his sermon.  (Don’t worry, it’s short!)

Study

Matthew 11:28-30 

Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Pray

Let us pray, 

Lord God, we come to you this day in our imperfection, trusting that you love us just as we are.  We pray in the name of the one who saves, Jesus Christ our Lord, 

Amen. 

Please contact the church office if you’d like to receive the daily devotions through email.