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Shame, whose first cousin is perfectionism, also impacts our children.  Instead of allowing for vulnerability and failure, we try to perfect ourselves and others.  Dr. Brown puts it this way:

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.  Let me tell you what we think about children.  They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here.  And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect.  My job is just to keep her perfect — make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.”  That’s not our job.  Our job is to look and say, “You know what?  You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”  That’s our job.  Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems, I think, that we see today.

Reflect

We will take a more in-depth look at perfectionism in 2 weeks, but what do you think about the interplay between shame and perfectionism?  How could fasting from shame impact your relationship with yourself, your children or grandchildren?  How does God’s love as seen on the cross speak to shame and perfectionism – not as a concept but as an influence on your daily life?  How do you think our schools would change if they focused on exploration (which includes failure) instead of pushing for perfection and performance?

Study

Matthew 19:13-15

Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray.  The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them; but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.”  And he laid his hands on them and went on his way.

Pray

Let us pray:

Lord God, you gathered children into your arms, blessing them and praying for them.  Bless all parents, grandparents, teachers, and all those in parenting relationships with your wisdom and grace.  Make our homes a safe haven for your children, helping them to know that they are loved even in their imperfection.  We pray in the name of the one who blessed the little children, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

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